First Vlog

Tattoos

I'm thinking about getting inked... what do you think? Suggestions of what and where?

What this day means to me

(Fair Warning now: If you can't handle something real, something emotional and something different from the rest of this blog, please skip this post.)

When this time of year comes around, I have a mixed feeling of it. Not because I'm one of those people who think Valentine's Day is a fake holiday made by Hallmark and chocolate companies. Quite to the contrary, I wish I could be one of those people, life would be a lot easier if I didn't give a damn.

To be honest, the reason I have mixed emotions on this day is something that I've only shared with a handful of people around me. It's something that was an instance of fate taking the wheel and making me take the first right.

You see, my issue with this day is today, February 14th, 2013, should have been my 4th wedding anniversary. I say "should have" because a few months before our wedding my fiance was killed by a drunk driver.

I thought my life had ended the night I got the phone call from the police. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think, I could barely breathe. I hid this from most of the people around me (including my parents, who never knew and still don't know I was once engaged), because I couldn't bear the thought of talking about it. When Valentine's Day came around, I'm ashamed to say that I tried to drink myself off the cliff, because I didn't want to feel. I was angry at every couple I saw coming up to the day, full of jealousy, sorrow and rage. At the time, I still was holding onto the Christian beliefs that were driven into my head growing up, and to be honest, this probably was the event that started my path away from that. I was in a dark place for a long time, before I finally found the strength to claw myself out of the darkness I wallowed in.

One of the things that enraged me the most during that dark time was the people who would say, Man it's been almost two years, when are you gonna get over it? It's always the people who have never lost so much as a goldfish that don't get the concept of grief. Honestly, it was something I didn't understand. While it may be true that time heals all wounds, there's always a scar, a memory left behind. The best explanation of it came from one of my favorite directors, Joss Whedon: Grief is like losing an arm; you don't grow another one, you learn to tie your shoes one handed.

Nowadays though, I see today as something different. When I lost my fiance, I thought my life was over. I'm proud that I was able to put everything back together, and start a new path. So, while I will always reflect on the past on this day, I now do my best to use this day as a reminder that life is change, and you can let it break you, or you can accept the tide of fate, and see where it will take you next.

If you stuck through this with me, hopefully you know me a little better now, and I hope I didn't scare you away from the blog, because next time I'll get back to more lighthearted matters.

Early monday update

Hey everyone, I'm gonna put a post up sometime mid week... If there's something you'd like me to talk about, post a comment. See you then.

Gaming: My 16-Bit Childhood

For those of you who recognize what one of these are, you might have grown up the way I did.

When I was growing up, one of my first memories is hearing that classic music from World 1-1 in Super Mario Brothers. Video Games were the first thing I remember being truly passionate about. I spent countless hours taking that Italian plumber through countless pipes. I can remember being furious the first time I read: Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle!

Not being mr popular or mr athletic, video games were my escape, my relief from being the lonely nerdy kid before nerdy was cool.

As much as I loved Mario, my world was rocked when I discovered Pokemon. There was a period of time that I never let my gameboy away from me, I had to evolve the next pokemon to get ready for the next gym.

I remember the first time I saw Mortal Kombat, and the blood and gore shook something in me, and I couldn't get enough.

Some of the greatest times as a kid with the few friends I had were the countless rounds of Goldeneye we played.

I've been a gamer as long as I can remember, even today with my PS3. It's been a friend, a rival, an escape for a kid who wasn't always proud of being a nerd. I think I would be a much different person today had I not ran into that Italian plumber and his brother Luigi.

EARLY

It's 4 AM in the morning. I should be asleep, but as usual, my nocturnal side won't have that. Always have been a bit of a creature of the night.

Had a decent day, hung out with people.

I'll be doing a post this week about how my history with gaming.

If there's anything you'd like to know, or would like to have me talk about on this blog, feel free to leave me a comment or drop me an email at: gorramnerd@gmail.com .

I hope you had a good weekend, and have as good a Monday as Monday can be. Until then, I'm Chris, the Gorram Nerd.

Greetings from a Gorram Nerd

Hey there, I'm Chris. I tried starting a blog a few years back, and for one reason or another, it just didn't click. Nowadays, I'm a different person, and I feel like an outlet where I can express myself, get things out there through my writing would be good for me, so here we go.

Allow me to introduce myself to anyone who doesn't know me, or who might not know me as well as they could. I'm 25, born and raised in Grand Rapids and, as the title of the blog would suggest, I'm a nerd. Whether you prefer geek or nerd, I'm pretty sure I qualify for either category.

I wear that title as somewhat of a badge of honor. In school, people through those words at me as if it was the worst weapon they could harm me with, and I will admit there was a time that I felt they were right. Then, as it slowly became more and more acceptable to like nerdy things, I finally embraced that side of me, and have never looked back.

I hope you choose to follow my blog, and I hope I get to know you. Anyone interested in this blog should know, it's not gonna be all nerdy things I address. Like I said, this is where I will express myself and get things out of my system. Odds are, that wont always be 100% happy, cheery stuff. But if you're still interested, I hope you will keep an eye on the site.